Anxiety

I just got off the phone.
I called BouPou (her new nickname XP)... We were talking... Or acctually I was complaining about all kinds of stuff, when I asked her how she was doing, that's when it came... the brakedown I had been waiting for. She suddenly burst to tears... She cried out that she couldn't take it anymore 'It's all too much...I want to give up... I can't take this anymore... I just can't... No more..' is what she said. I tried to calm her down but without any results... This was the first time that she'd shown me any kind of true humane feelings. I guess it was the letter she's supposed to write in Japanese that set her off... Fuck. Isn't it wrong to suddenly just come up with 'Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that you have to write a letter in Japanese, and turn it in, in a periode of two weeks' freaking bitch how does the hag think that shell be able to do that when she even can't speak Japanese >:l I'd soo want to rip her ugly ass head off.
Well now I've gotta go. Cya later.

Just Shit

I met her yesterday at her cousines place.. She hasn't changed much... apart from the fact that she has a perfect poker face now, she didn't look a single bit sad or depressed when she was talking to her cousine. But mentally she's still the same. She told me that everything had became so tiring, all the stuff with the exchange thing too. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd have a nervous brakedown soon... Seriously the state she's in is a bit worrying. Her face looked so empty when she read through her schedule, I mean no wonder that she can't handle it anymore : 3 homework assignements, a test in English and mathmatics to Monday (she'll come home Sunday around 10pm). her mum´s birthday which she has to get a birthday present and bake a cake for, and the next vaccination - 24th. Then the dentist and after that three more vaccinations. The trip to Germany, which she doesn't know anything about (the family she'll live in etc.). Kitacon, the upcoming Explorius meeting that is in Stockholm in May... And then that fucking letter that has to be done in a week or so... Really it's solemn time for her to take a break... But she can't do that... because of the damn school that she has to attend to every day... I really hope that she'll be abel to leave that horrible place she's living in right now... Now when she needs it more than ever before... let's keep our fingers crossed and wish for her fortune to come and take her to Japan... If she wouldn't get a family there, i'm pretty sure that she wouldn't take it lightly... Maybe in the worst case she'd quit going to school, move to a compeletly different munticipality and cut her ties with all the people she know, just to forget the pain of not getting to Japan...

I have lost a few kilos now, which makes me happy. But it's still not enough, I mean 46 kg is just so gross, I want to become at least 2kg´s lighter. She told me that I was even thinner than the image I sent over to her cellphone a few weeks ago... That picture of a pretty, skinny girl... I wish that I'd become as thin as her. She was saying that I was thinner just to please me, I know that, everybody does it... Well fuck it. C~YA