Imaginationary cirkle of... ?

It's been a long time, long long time, since I've seen you smile... Loneliness huh... It's true that handeling solitude is pretty hard.. Especially if it's created by your "friends"... Fuck, it hurts.. I'm having my monthly periods right now... and God it's so painful.. I wonder what you've been doing... Walpurgis for me was awful, I felt so crappy by the bare thought of sausages that I locked myself into my room and stayed there for the whole evening.. Not that anybody did mind that I was alone and cold.. I hate people... I really hate people who don't care for others.. People you usually end up calling "friends" or "family". They're not worth it... Even if you think so, they are not worth anything. I feel so tired... So tired of all this crap... I want to have candy, so that I can stuff myself full of it and then vomit it out, just like your favourite artist Kyo Niimura... His pain is so beautiful... I wish I could express my suffering as elegantly as he does... I wish that people would accept my sorrow and see it as a pretty thing instead of a disorder as they've done for him... Will that ever happen?