Worry

I talked to her again today... My mother hasn't been feeling so well lately, it's because of her reumatism... She can't sleep at night... This makes me worried.. It was four o´clock in the morning when I called her to talk to her about this.. As usually she didn't get mad at me for waking her up... When I explained the situation for her, she told me that it was okay to be worried, but she also said that it wouldn't help my mother at all... That's true... If I worry about mother and don't sleep, then she'll become worried about me and stop sleeping even the short periods of time that she's sleeping now... Complicated...
Her (phone friend) mother had a cardiac infraction about five years ago... Must have been horrible to only be twelve years old and have to worry about if you mother will survive or not.. And to think, in the beginning nobody even told her why her mother was away, they just said "She's in the hospital, getting better".. and a few days after that she heard it from a almost complete stranger, when he asked her grandmother how her mother was doing, he said something like "hi.. I heard what happened to "the mother"... a heart attack right? How is her recovery going? It's really a relief to hear that she survived... We were so worried about her"... If you'd ask me I'd have scolded the grandmother right away... But she just kept silent as she always does... damn she's so hard to understand! why doesn't she say when she's feeling like crap?! Why doesn't she ever show her sad face to us others? Why does she only show her "happy", "sleepy" or "frustrated" moods... So emotionless... Even they aren't for real... pisses me off to think about this... well yeah. it sucks. eheheee. I got a comment on one of my posts earlier...--'' Ya' know if you're reading this... that comment didn't have anything to do with the actual post... and yes she is lonely, if you're her friend and haven't notised this, then you should start paying a bit more attention to her... by the way yes I did and do know that it's her greatest dream to become an exchange student in Japan.. It's just that sometimes she gets a bit too happy and lost in her dream world of happiness, so that she forgets about the reality that isn't a dance on roses. Then see you.

Feelings.

A person who can lie to oneself is lonely and agonizing. This is what she once told me... She said that people who are lonely create these invisible walls around them, to shelter themself from pain and suffering... They make themself imagine that nothing is wrong and that they're happy in their current state of mind. A person who hasn't been hurt for real could never understand the reason... the fear of being forced to go through that pain again... to have to suffer like that again.. It's too frightening to even think about. This is why most of the people doesn't understand these kind of persons... And in the end they often end up getting blamed on.. The people who say that it's their fault for not opening up, really are the worst. Those kind of people have never endured real pain... even if they think so. The thought of people like that makes me mad... people who think that they know and have been through everything... So annoying. If you think that your friend or acquaintance is going through these kind of feelings. Then don't ignore it, for a change try to listen to them... try to understand the fear inside of them and most of all don't judge them... No matter what the reason for their isolation is, do not judge them. that's a common mistake almost everyone does... thinking she's weird, stupid etc.. stupid people -.-